So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I will be naked everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize