I could have mohawked her pubes.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
