dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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