I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
