this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't put those talents on a resume
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
