Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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