I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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