remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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