Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
