just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
