I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
