I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
