So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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