Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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