I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
