No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hippo gnu deer
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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