i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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