he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
