i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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