You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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