She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
