now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
