Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize