When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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