my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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