Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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