well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
