Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
