i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
