Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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