Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
third nipple confirmed
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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