why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
