Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
