I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this just has baby written all over it
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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