hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
