Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
