he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
