he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
