I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
