i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
