i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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