Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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