he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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