Its about making memories worth repressing
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
