i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
