theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
