What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
