Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize