in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
