i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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