omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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