I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
