what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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