can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
