Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
