I will die if light touches me.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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