If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
