I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
