Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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