the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
