I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
