And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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