i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
don't judge my taste in strippers
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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