Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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