So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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