i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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