So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
People in love make me want to vomit
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
