you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
