my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
