Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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