I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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