Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
