i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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