I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
