SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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