dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
