i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
