So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
