I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
