I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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