just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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