Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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